Two years ago yesterday

May 15th two years ago I found out some news that would change my world forever.  It's so crazy how you remember the best and worst moments so clearly.  I remember what I was eating, what everything looked like, how dark it was outside, the still small voice that whispered "prepare yourself" as I sat and listened to the news. I know you'd all like to hear about the deep dark secrets in my life, but chances are anybody who actually reads this thing already knows, and just in case you don't, I need to protect the people that are involved.

I wish I could say two years later that everything is all better and that time healed the wound.  But even now I feel a great deal of pain from this scar on my life.  I look at all of the wonderful blessings that have grown out of that mess and I feel very greatful. But, I'm not sure it's something I can ever fully recover from.  That event changed the security I used to feel.  Because in just one moment, just one little moment every single aspect of my life, and relationships with people, changed forever.

It's so unsettling.  Lots of times I feel like I'm just waiting for this ball to drop again, to find out some other awful news that will ruin me completely, and I know that's no way to live but I can't help it.  For now, I can be greatful for how things turned out.  I have a beautiful little boy, a home of my own, and a sweet supportive husband.  I am truly blessed.

First mother's Day

Today was my very first mother's day.  I can not believe what an amazing little boy I have.  I am completely obsessed with him.  I am very lucky that he is so mellow and well behaved.  He is basically the most perfect baby.

I'm so greatful for my sweet husband and for how hard he works for me to be able to stay home with my sweet baby.  He gave me the entire day off yesterday and cleaned while I got to get pampered!  Best day ever!!

Haggered

If you could see how I look on the inside, it might look a little something like this.
Haggard.

I just realised I have not had one hour by myself in over two weeks.  It might not seem like that big of deal to some people but I used to spend most of my time by myself so it's a pretty big deal.  Even in High school, when other girls would get together to go shopping or out to eat, I would go by myself.  I know, loner-e sounding right?  For some reason I just really need that time with myself, by myself.

I used to have about one hour at the end of each day but since Ty has been getting home earlier My "moment" has been shared.  Which hasn't bothered me until just now when I'm wondering why I feel so dang cranky.  I blame half on Mr. inflamed Thyroid, and half on lack of date time with myself.

I think for mothers day all I want is a day off.  No phones, no people, just me.  Does that make me a bad mom/wife?

The two loves of my life

I am so incredibly in love with these boys.  They are my EVERYTHING!  They are my day and night. Everything I do is for them.  They are my greatest joy. And I love them oh so much!  It doesn't hurt that they're so freakin cute! ;)