May 15th two years ago I found out some news that would change my world forever. It's so crazy how you remember the best and worst moments so clearly. I remember what I was eating, what everything looked like, how dark it was outside, the still small voice that whispered "prepare yourself" as I sat and listened to the news. I know you'd all like to hear about the deep dark secrets in my life, but chances are anybody who actually reads this thing already knows, and just in case you don't, I need to protect the people that are involved.
I wish I could say two years later that everything is all better and that time healed the wound. But even now I feel a great deal of pain from this scar on my life. I look at all of the wonderful blessings that have grown out of that mess and I feel very greatful. But, I'm not sure it's something I can ever fully recover from. That event changed the security I used to feel. Because in just one moment, just one little moment every single aspect of my life, and relationships with people, changed forever.
It's so unsettling. Lots of times I feel like I'm just waiting for this ball to drop again, to find out some other awful news that will ruin me completely, and I know that's no way to live but I can't help it. For now, I can be greatful for how things turned out. I have a beautiful little boy, a home of my own, and a sweet supportive husband. I am truly blessed.
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Bree, you have such a great outlook on life and I am so impressed by your courage and patience in trials that come. Being grateful not for what happened but how it made you a stronger person is a wonderful attitude. You're a great example and I'm so glad you're my friend :) I wish I was closer so I could visit you more often! Miss you!!
ReplyDeleteI hate how that feeling is lurking. But we can't borrow worries. If something happens like that again, you buckle down and deal with it again. The church and the spirit are the only things we can rely on. And as long as you have that, you'll be able to get through anything and that's what matters, right? You are strong enough to take whatever trials come your way.
ReplyDeleteYou are pretty much my hero. I can't help but see how strong you are through all of it. I think waiting for the ball to drop is normal. Whenever I start having little panic attacks about Jaela dying or something I try and remember what my mom told me: The Lord gives you the strength when the trial comes.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me feel better.
Sometimes.
I love your writing and think you should do it more!